Tuesday: I got up early, and about five minutes later Scott called me and make me think it was my phone alarm going off again because he didn't realize I was still on the west coast (we're on team two this time around for volleyball, with our first match at 7:00pm tomorrow). My grandmother was surprised I was up, too, but I wanted to be on the road by 10:00. It wasn't to be, though, because my grandfather was moving really slowly that morning and didn't even get downstairs until 9:30 and took until 10:30 to eat breakfast. And he was being all stubborn about doing everything himself... which I didn't want to bother with trying to rush out the door and being stubborn about things like that is why he's still going at 93. So I didn't get out of there until a little after 10:30. But it gave my grandmother and I time to talk a lot, and I'm glad of it. One of the things I felt I really needed to do this time out there was talk to them about what they want done when they die or become incapacitated. Because I didn't know, and they're 93 years old and living on their own in their own house that they bought in 1954. I hadn't known how to bring it up, though. It always seemed such an awkward thing to talk about. But I was at my last chance that morning, and I finally just asked her if I could ask her a question and plunged ahead. I didn't get all the answers I would have liked, since my grandmother kind of brushed off my question with "it's all taken care of, don't worry", but I did get a lot more information than I ever have before. She showed me where they keep their will, their bank records, etc, and told me I could read it if I wanted. I did, so I know now how things will be settled when they die. I had known I was the second executor (the first being someone local to make things easier), but that was it. So I know more details. I am sad that Irene is in the will, but since they wrote it in 1995 before I told them what she did to me it makes a certain amount of sense. I told my grandmother that Irene has remarried and sold the house, but I didn't say anything else about it. It's their choice, though that's one I wish they hadn't made... I would much prefer to see her portion supplement the share going to the scholarship fund set up in my dad's name.

But that all led to my grandmother and I talking about a lot of things. About my dad, and his death, and how I had felt so strongly that it was wrong for him to be buried when I knew he wanted to be cremated (the disposal of someone's body is something I feel very strongly about, because I consider it the last thing you can do for someone you love, and their wishes should be honored if at all possible). And I now know that both of my grandparents want to be cremated and where they want their ashes spread (and they carry cards in their wallets stating that). And that feels good to know. And right. It fits each of them so well. It's not together, but it's really the places they each love best... my grandmother on the ocean currents that will come into the Palisades, and my grandfather in the California mountains he loved to climb... on Mount Whitney if they allow it. What I still don't know is what they want done if they truly become incapacitated and can't live on their own anymore. My grandmother is in fantastic shape and is outrunning people in their 60s, but my grandfather's like a clock that's gradually slowing down. He's been through so much medically and made it out and kept on going, but he's a little slower each time. They're lucky because their house is already prepped for that kind of use after taking care of my uncle Greg for so many years. There's a chair-escalator type thing on the stairs that my granddad now uses so he can still go up and down, and they have a hospital bed downstairs. So that helps a lot.

But we also got talking about just random things, the two of us standing in front of the heater in the front entry. It's my grandmother's favorite spot, and I like to stand there, too. Always have. But talking about where things were located made her think of her jewelry (though she'd told me a couple of years ago where she had that hidden, I'd never seen it), and she suddenly asked if I would like her emerald ring for my birthday. I didn't know she had an emerald ring, but she took me to the hiding place and pulled out her jewelry -- and I had to make myself not laugh because she keeps all her rings on a giant safety pin -- and sorted through them until she found the most beautiful emerald ring I have seen. I'm a May-baby and the emerald is my birthstone, but I'm pretty sure it would be my favorite one anyway. It's absolutely gorgeous. It's got three oval emeralds and eight small pear diamonds that are set in twos on either side of each emerald. They're all laid out along the band, so it's not bulky. Even looking at it from the side, the gold setting is gorgeous. At the time she gave it to me, it only fit on my right pinky, but I've since discovered that once my hands lose their morning swell it fits on my left ring finger. I've been staring at it like a fool ever since she gave it to me. It means a lot. Not just for being a ring I think is pretty, but it's one of the only things I've had handed down like that from her. I have a photo album of old tintypes of her relatives, but that's it. She said my grandfather bought it for her when they were traveling through the Panama Canal. They went to a gem shop and they didn't have any ready-made settings she liked, so she picked things out and they made it up for her and sent it to California when it was ready. She wore it all the time until she was deep into teaching preschool and it was getting in the way. My mom recognized it when I showed it to her tonight, but I'm pretty sure I've never seen it before.

Tuesday was a yucky day, weatherwise. I'm really glad I did the La Jolla part of the trip on Friday instead of Tuesday, given that I could have planned it either way. It rained all day Tuesday. As I was driving out of LA I had a big scare: I was in the second-to-left lane and the car ahead of me in the far left lane suddenly went into a fast spin. It spun out of control across all five lanes of traffic and I was sure it was going to hit some of the cars in the next lane over from me, because they were closer than I had been and I wouldn't be able to avoid the fallout from that, but it somehow got across all those lanes without hitting a single car and wound up on the shoulder parallel to the lanes but facing the wrong way. Given how many times it spun around on the way there... gah.

I was late to my aunt Barbara's in Fallbrook, but got there without any hassle after that spinout. And we just sat down and talked for hours. More hours than I meant, quite honestly, because I'd planned to get to Janice and Gideon's in the late afternoon or very early evening and didn't get there until after 9:00 and Gideon had called me wondering what was going on. I didn't get to see Lorelei because she'd gone to bed shortly before I got there, and I didn't get to really talk to Janice for very long, which I regret. But they will be out here in June and I will make sure to get lots of talking in then. And I am glad I got to spend the time with Barbara. She's just the easiest person to talk to... when what feels like thirty minutes turns out to be two hours without a break or a drink (without a drink! me!) and I don't even notice or care... everything just flows together with her. One comment to another observation to a memory to another comment... it just keeps going. And aside from just enjoying our talks, I like hearing things about my grandparents (on my mom's side, not the ones I visited out there) that I didn't know before. My grandfather was her next-oldest brother of the nine of them, and they were pretty close.

Tuesday was a big day for me... family-wise, history-wise, on both sides of my family. And it feels really good. I am hoping my sore throat is from all the talking and not coming down with something. :P My voice has been kind of hoarse all day. I snuck out of Janice and Gideon's at 5:45am, recalling memories of doing the same thing with Hillary when we went to Disneyland, and was at the airport with time to spare.